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Even in the shadows, He stands with me

This month we would be welcoming home our fourth child. We lost this child at only 5 weeks in the womb. This was our third loss since having our daughter.
It happened a couple of weeks before my birthday.
We also got news on my birthday that my husband's grandma (and one of my favorite people in the world) died in a car accident. It was tough, I'm not going to lie. Our previous miscarriage preceded my Grandma passing away. The only comfort out of so much loss at one time, was picturing our Grandmas holding our babies in heaven.

While none of the losses were easy, the more you experience, the more...different it is. I no longer keep track of what week I would be pregnant, because this past year, I was counting two pregnancies at the same time. It was overwhelming to even try to continue to track and calculate. And eventually I just felt numb. (If you track every single week, that is amazing. My heart just couldn't handle it.)

This time is different. Every other time, I knew…

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